i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
love makes seman taste better
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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