he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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