I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize