Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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