Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
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Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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