And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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