You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
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It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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