so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
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There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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