I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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