how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
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I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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