It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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