i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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