My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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