I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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