I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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