so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize