During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
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he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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