if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Come see our sink grown plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize