who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
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Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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