guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Screwed.edu
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
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He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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