well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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