I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
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Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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