hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize