He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
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my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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