So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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