I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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