i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize