he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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