its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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