I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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