Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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