I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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