My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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