I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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I want to be your penis for a week.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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