Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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