this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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