ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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