When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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