roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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