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Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
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