hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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