Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
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Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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