eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
someone owes me an orgasm
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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