if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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