i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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