fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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