Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
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He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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