Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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