I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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