she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize